Complaints, I gotta tell ya. Old Rob he ain't doing do good.
So the other day me and my girlfriend. We have been arguing for weeks. Non stop bitching. We went through one of those relationship councilors. The councilor told me I need to leave all of my problems at the door before I entered. So I told my girlfriend to go stand outside. She hasn't been back since.
My credit. Oh my credit. My credit is so low I went in for a home loan. Bank manager took my cardboard box away and told there was no way in hell I couldn't afford the mortgage.
Only person on this earth who understands me is my doctor. I went in because I woke up in pain. Terrible pain. Doc came back after a bunch of test. He says, "I got good news and bad news." I asked for the bad news first. He says, "You have cancer and 6 months to live." He then hands me my bill for 20 grand. I say, "Doc, I can't pay this!" Doc says, "Well, I'll give you another 6 months." Hell of a guy that Doc complaints... Hell of a guy...
I'm terrible a sports. In school for kickball I was picked after the cripple and the blind kid. I tried out for the track team once. I figured, hell running is easy. I could go around in a circle. When it came to my time to run in the relay the guy behind me handed me a piece of paper. It was from the coach. He was cutting me from the team.
I was mugged today. The robber took me into a dark alley and after he got a good look at me he laughed and handed me a gun and said "Here you need this more than I do." No respect I tell ya, no respect at all.
I was trying to call a taxi and I kept getting ignored. Everyone else around me was getting into a cab but me. This hooker, a street performer, even this gangbanger. Fed up I ran into the street and stopped a taxi myself and asked the driver "What do all these people have that I don't?" The cabby rolled down his window and said, "Money."
I'm depresses, so depressed. So I called one of them suicide hotlines. But I was routed to this guy in Syria. You should have heard him complaints. He was so excited. He asks me If I can fit into a size large vest. For what I don't know.